The end...

This is going to be my last post, I know I'm not a great blogger, but I started this blog so I could rant about being in a long distance relationship, and maybe find friends who would understand me... Well my "dream" came true... and then it fell apart....

My girlfriend, who had been living with me for a year after 2 years of a long distance relationship, just left me 2 weeks ago, and went back to the US. I don't even have words to describe how I'm feeling, empty would be one... lost... heart broken... so sad I don't even know how I can go on without her... There's a lot more feelings, too many and I don't like any of them. I'm sure a lot of you have been through something like this before, but for me, it's the first time... The first time I've ever been trully in love with someone, the fist time I gave my best to a relationship, the first time I actually thought... this is it... she's the one... And it's over... just like that, in a moment my dream life was put upside down... I lost the person I love with all my heart and my best friend all in one...

People keep telling me life goes on... it might go on but it sure as hell isn't easy or a happy one...

Thanks to everyone that ever sent me words of advice, encouragement, etc. But this is the end of my fairytale... and sadly it's not ''they lived happily ever after''...

Catching up!

Hi everyone! If there’s anyone that still checks out this anymore cause I’ve been gone forever, I know, I’m so bad. It’s been so long but somehow it seems like it hasn’t been long ago. I just had to go back and read some of my old posts cause I barely remember what I had written about!

So anyway, over a year after my last post, this is how things are going. My gf moved to Chile in September last year, it’s crazy I still don’t think I can believe it. It was amazing to see her again after sooooo long (2 years). When I picked her up at the airport I was so nervous that I wasn’t going to find her, I was really scared. She took forever to come out with her luggage and all, but I finally saw her. It was crazy, it was like I had seen her just a few days ago. We were both so ridiculously happy, and it was so unbelievable, that we were together again, it seemed unreal. Almost a year after that, we still look at each other every once in a while and say how we can´t believe that she´s here lol.

Things have been going pretty good. I moved into my own apartment with her, but my younger sister moved in with us too, because of some family problems. It’s not the ideal situation (specially cause it’s a small apartment and we are a little crowded with the cats and all), but we get along pretty well, so it hasn’t really been a problem. And my gf has been amazing and so understanding, and she gets along really well with my sister. L (my gf) got a job teaching english, and she has been doing pretty well. She has also been learning spanish, it hasn’t been easy cause we speak english to each other and she speaks english at her job too. But she’s so amazing, and she has been picking up all our Chilean slang lol.

We went on vacation for 3 weeks in February, to the north of Chile, we had a really good time, and it was cool cause she got to see different places of the country. She went back to visit her family in april, which was a little scary, cause I wasn’t sure how she was going to feel going back and all. But she said she missed me a lot (and I missed her like crazy), and she came back.

I still can’t believe that in September it’s going to be a year since she came here, time just flies by. There is so much to tell, I could write pages. But I just wanted to share a little of our story, in case it could give hope to any other couples that are in a long distance relationship. There’s still a lot of things we need to figure out, but we just take things one day at a time, and I have to say, I have never been happier in my whole life.

Her birthday is coming up in just 2 weeks, so I have some romantic planning to do! ;)

I´ll try not to disappear for so long this time!

Happy late birthday to me!

A few days ago was my birthday (on april 11th), I turned 33! Seriously, time is flying by! And I feel so old when I say that ha haa. I am completely convinced that no one should have to work on their birthdays, there should be a law or something lol. But people at work were nice, they brought balloons and a cake, so that was sweet. After work my family and I went to a Chinesse restaurant. The food was so good, I ate a lot. I got a pair of boots from my mom, some lotion from my dad, a sweater from my sister, a purse from mom´s boyfriend, and some tealight holding things from my brother. We didn´t have a cake but I blew candles on some kind of dessert ha haa. Well I did have the cake at work though. So it was a nice day, even though I don´t really care for my birthday.

Oh my girlfriend sent me something too, but I haven´t received it yet. She also sent me some really hot pictures of herself! ;) Haa haa! Speaking of her, I don´t know why we have soo many missunderstandings sometimes. It´s like, things are going great, and all of a sudden we either can´t understand each other, or can´t really talk to each other, one of us gets quiet and the other one gets annoyed, and it ends up turning into something big when it doesn´t need to. It´s pretty frustrating, cause neither of us wants to fight. But it just happens over and over and we can´t seem to stop it. I think part of it is that we can only talk over the phone, which I think makes things harder, cause you can´t see the other person and all. *Shrugs*

I wanted to thank everybody for their comments on the last entry, it really helps put things in perspective, and it´s good to have other points of view. You guys are amazing! :)

Today is cold here, I hate cold days, well it´s winter now so it should get colder brrrr. I would be happy to live all year in summer I swear lol. Anyway, I´ll be a bum today and probably won´t do much. Tomorrow we will probably go to the mall cause I want to exchange the sweater my sister gave to me for another color, black lol, I just love black and can´t help it! Take care! :)

Ranting

Ok so I need to vent a bit…. Last night I was talking to my girlfriend about her moving here and all, and we’re both excited but at the same time kinda nervous and scared. That’s normal right? I mean, I understand her being nervous about moving to a different country, where she just knows me, and we speak a different language and all. I just don’t want her to be like super scared. And I’m kinda nervous too, because she will basically depend on me completely at least at first, and I don’t know, I just want everything to work out. I’m also nervous cause it will be a big change for me, I’ve never had a girlfriend here in Chile, and I’m sure it won’t be easy. People are not as open minded as they are in other places, like the US, so I know having a girlfriend won’t be the easiest thing. Ahhh I don’t know I’m just nervous about everything, is this me just being silly, should I just try to relax and not worry so much about everything? Cause I really want her to come here, I just feel responsible for her cause she’s so much younger and all. I know this must be so much scarier and harder for her too, I just want her to be happy about it and not so scared. I don’t even know if I’m making much sense, am I? lol

We have waited for soooo long, that now that the time is getting closer and closer, I think we’re both freaking out a little. But all we both want are for things to work out. Well anyway, that was my rant for today. I would like to know what you all think.

I´m kinda back

Hi everybody.

I’m sorry I completely disappeared for so long, I went on vacation, then I had to return a little sooner than planned cause my dad’s blood pressure was really high, so I got scared. He is doing ok now, but he needs to take a lot of meds. Then I realized that I was depressed… that I didn’t really enjoy the vacation like I thought I would, and that I was just too stressed to be able to be ok. So I started taking anti depressants and they have been helping a lot I think, I feel better now.

Work has just been really stressing, I have a lot more responsibilities and I’m not really sure about how to do a lot of the things I’m doing so it’s scary. But I have faith that I will be able to do a good job. It just doesn’t leave a lot of free time, since I used to post while I was at work before ha ha. So those are basically the reasons why I have been gone. I don’t really think that I can keep up writing the blog regularly, and reading everybody’s blogs, cause of the lack of time, but I’m going to try to, cause I love reading about everyone and sharing the things that happen to me.

My kitty that wasn’t doing so well before, is doing pretty good now, so I’m really happy about that. He’s so freaking adorable lol, well I love my 3 kitties.

Things with my girlfriend have ups and downs, but all in all we have been ok. The day when she will come here is getting closer and closer, I can’t believe how fast time is going by. I really can’t wait, I don’t like being alone, I want to have her with me to be able to do stuff together (don’t think dirty thoughts lol). I know it will be hard too though, because I’ll have to tell people that don’t know about me being a lesbian, my friends and all, and I really don’t know how they will react. I’m glad my family knows and they are supportive, but people here are so closed minded, that’s one thing I don’t like. But I’ll deal with it, I need to do what makes me happy, no matter what the rest think right?

Anyway, I´m sorry for disappearing, I´ll try to catch up some with everybody and hope that you guys still remember me lol. ;)

Going on Vacation!

I’ve been crazy busy this week cause it’s my last week before vacationnn! I leave saturday, and I’m so glad cause I need them really really bad. But it’s been kinda tough too, cause my kitty worries me a lot, he eats sometimes, other times he doesn’t want to, and since I’m not home all day, I can’t be sure about how much he’s eating, cause I have 2 other kitties. I’ve been thinking if I should leave him at the vet’s or at home, and I think I’m just going to leave him at home, cause he will get so stressed at the vet’s for 2 weeks, that I’m afraid it might be worse for him. I’m not sure yet though, I just want my baby to be ok while I’m away.

My girlfriend was in a car accident monday, she got hit by a pick up truck. I’m so glad that she was wearing her seatbelt, she’s ok, just a little sore, but it was very scary. I hate that I wasn’t able to be there for her, but I’m so glad that she’s ok. Her car is pretty messed up though, but that’s not important.

So I’m leaving saturday, for 2 weeks, I’m going to a place in the middle of the mountains, it’s very nice and quiet and relaxing. Exactly what I need right now. I’ll just miss talking to my girlfriend, cause like I said before, cel phones don’t work there, so I will only be able to call her probably a couple of times. She’s really sad, but she’s trying to be good about it. But I just keep thinking, that when I come back it will be march already. It’s crazy how time is flying! Which is a good thing, cause it means, less time til she can come over here! Yay! :)

This was my second Valentine’s day with my girlfriend, and we have been apart for both of them. I know it’s just a day like any other, but it would have been nice to be able to spend it with her. She got on webcam for me though, and she’s so pretty! :) I love seeing her.

Anyway, I wanted to thank everybody for their comments, it makes me happy to read them. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to read blogs this week cause of work being so crazy. And now I’ll be gone for 2 weeks, but I’ll catch up with everybody when I get back from my vacation. I hope to be able to chat with some of you too. I’ll read you guys in 2 weeks!

I hate waiting

It’s so hard waiting… waiting for everything. I feel like my life’s on hold right now. I’m kinda cranky today cause I REALLY need a vacation, like NOW! I need to talk to my boss again to see when can I actually take my 2 weeks off, cause I’m at a point where I can barely work.

So I’m waiting… waiting for my vacation. Waiting to see if I get the loan for the apartment I’m buying, waiting to finally have my own place again. Waiting until my girlfriend can finally move over here. Have I mentioned that I REALLY hate waiting? Well I do. Maybe today everything seems worse cause I’m just exhausted.

So this is just a venting post, I want to feel like some things in my life are working out good, and right now I feel like everything is in the air, and that frustrates me a lot.

On another subject… when I take my 2 week vacation, I won’t really be able to talk to my girlfriend on the phone much, cause the place I’m going to is in the middle of the mountains and has no cel phone signal. So I know L will be upset and all, but I hope she understands that I really need the time off. This long distance thing is so hard, but I’m glad that we’ve been doing good lately. I just want to be done waiting… ok?